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Labels: f......, huh??, it's the end.
Worries. & nothing else.
1) Exams this Friday. I am completely not confident of scoring As for my Mathematics & Java. Social Media Marketing is worse. Cannot understand the notes at all. In truth, I'm screwed. From a GPA of 4.0, I might drop all the way to a 3.0. How to get scholarship like that?
2) Support. I can no longer connect with my family an ymore. My sisters are both living their own lives. Dad's all crap now. & Mum..... screw itlah. When I need someone to hold my hand & give me strength to tide through this problematic times, I have no one.
3)Them. I put myself out there all the time. Being the pillar of strength for those around me. When they're scared or hurt, I would shoulder their burden & take away their pain. I even went back to Yew Tee just to pick up my dearest kid simply because she was crying (or so I thought). I did it because it was the right thing to do. That's a mark of being a responsible adult. I do so much & what do I get in return?
Nothing. If I screw up, I get sarcasm & nonsense. When I deliver, I get silence. Where's my fucking credit? I wrote a 3k word report, did my own analysis, pleaded with my friends to help with the technical aspects & when I wanted to show you lot my work, you didn't care? It's your God-damn GROUP REPORT!!! & what you gave me, all Wikipedia nonsense. Useless.
People assume that I'll help. That I'll cover up for other people's mistakes. That's just simply because I cannot afford to fail. I suffered & wasted 2 years of my life. I was a step away from damning myself to hell because of suicide. But I found the will to live on & persevere. That willpower is dying fast....
4) $. I have none. My fees are due & apparently I owe the school $1k+. No idea where that came from nor how I'll pay that. My 2nd sister is tied up with her kids, so that's a no. My dad..no. My 1st sis is having problems of her own so no. My mum..."Don't ask me, ask your sisterlah"...enough said.
I hate the fact I have to control my food intake, not because I'm on a diet but because I can't overspend. & my gingivitis-ridden teeth are costing me big time.
Nothing but worries. Hope has diminished. There is no escape from the emptiness of the void. I'm doomed really.
Here I thought, I could find happiness in poly.
I was so wrong.
Ciaos random passerby.
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Labels: f......
These are a few words to describe me...
1)Self-centered
2) A mugger
3) Bookworm
4) Sarcastic
5) Easily irritated
6) You do not want to see me explode!
Nearly did today.
I hate questioning...
Awkward questions about girls in my FB (for fcuk sakes she just a classmate)
Ignorant questions about copying my work when you make no attempt to understand the concept...
Using my Facebook account to post stuff....(that pisses me off) Can't even have the decency of telling me. You think you can just snatch my notebook from me like that????
Making irrelevant comments when I'm trying to work?
& insulting me with some fucked up caricature of me? You really don't know how to respect your FUCKING ELDERS RIGHT???
& just stop asking me to do things you know I wont bother with!!!
FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!
I do not appreciate people copying my work wholesale.
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Labels: a moment of thought, f......
I have no idea why, but I am just so goddamn irritated these days.
I find some people very irritating, very ignorant & just plain asking for me to beat the fuck out of them. I want to live a life worth living. & yet I can't. Seriously what is your fucking problem? I have absolutely no intention of conforming to your standards. You can brag about your brilliance for all I care. Seriously just shut the fuck up!
& I miss her.
I really do.
I have loved you always.
Even if you're with someone else, I still never stopped loving you....
Dear, Allah, why do you torment me so? Why do you not let me have my happiness? Must I continue to repent for my sins? My I continue to suffer live how I did during junior college?
I want to cry. Really.
But I shouldn't. I don't know why though...
Goodbye my fellow random passer byes.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Labels: f......
It was just months ago, when I started my NS life. Strangely I fell for someone I knew for years. SHe wasn't close to me or anything, just very nice & sweet.
She's got a guy now in uni...
& I am so destroyed....
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!
OMG it's not as if I love her or anything...it's just a crush (right?)
Arghh seriously freaking me out. Fustration, anger, you name it...I 'm feeling it all..
I'm such a douche bag!!!
Ciaos ppl...
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Labels: f......
Too busy to blog much really...besides there's a lot of anger in me right now.
Seriously I hate being reminded that I'm a failure every single day of my life. I hate the fact that I can't do the things I want, be the person I aspire to be. I hate being the carbon copy of someone else. I hate the fact that I can go no where after my NS. I hate it that people expect so much from me but when I need the help..."sorry but there's rb" FUCKING BULLSHIT seriously. Everytime they use the same nonsensical excuse.
Hypocrites.
& now my sister quite blantently will no longer support me for my education. Or maybe she forgot that she promised all of us that she would take care of my studies right to the end. & now, she's moving on to bigger & better things....that leaves me where???
In a state of hopelessness, one expects guidance, comfort & a ray of hope. Instead all I get is a daily bashing. I can go to no local university, NIE doesn't want me really, no $ for overseas university, need $4000 surgery for my eyes soon or I go blind, can't find a job since all I have are my O's, poly's going to be finacially out-of-reach....what on Earth or Hell do people expect from me?
I now understand why my father stop being so religious.
He test us in so many ways. He gives us trials of strengths. Chances to prove our faith in Him. & He rewards those who follow him to the end. I may have sinned, but I chose to repent. I chose to seek His forgiveness. I follow Him to the bitter end....
He gave me nothing.
Why did He look away from me?
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
There are just sometimes when I just want to punch someone (without my fists ending up bandaged) I hate the fact that I have to set the benchmark simply because people subconciously expect great things from the A level graduate. I'm no hero. I'm no flawless person. Yet I can't make mistakes. Me making mistakes only brings disapproval & humiliation. No need for harsh launguge or angry tones. Their disappointment alone is all they need to punish me. But when other do mistakes, it's a scolding or a lecture & the evil is over. It's hard to live up to such lofty expectations without draining oneself out.
It's hard when people don't appreciate the things you do. They don't understand the rational behind my actions & think differently. It's hard to mantain some semblance of sanity in an office of chaos.
It's even worst when the people at home keep pressuring me non-stop. I hardly have the time to just let go. Constantly being battered by responsibility that others my age rarely face (some of them at least). I have to live up to her every whimp & demand. Why won't people understand that I'm just too tired to carry on?
Played my best game last night. Strangely I play well when I'm the only keeper around. No expectations, no competition, no need to conform to the norms of goalkeeping - saves, dives, splits etc. I love playing with eccentricity (forgive me for my spelling). I love playing just because I'm in the court.
When will people just lighten the burden on me?
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Labels: a moment of thought, f......, Germany, soccer
"& when you see him, you know you're dead"
It's a bitter struggle to play AvP X-Box 360.
One, I suck at it.
Two, An Elite isn't as immortal as he seems in the movies
Three, Playing an alien while you're alone isn't advisable. Make sure you have Panadol with you.
Four, NEVER play the human race if you like to be able to see where you're going.
Anyways 11 more days to FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa. Praying for a Die Mannschaft master class. Though against the likes of Samba boys Brazil & the undeniably strongest team in the world Spain, one wonders what the "Tournament Team" can do?
Of course England expects. England always expects....& fail
& just for the record, I may be cold. I may not really talk to you much. But it doesn't mean that I don't care. It's just my nature to be shadowy & watch over others from afar.
(Woah & that came out from no where)
CIAOS PPL!!!
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Labels: a moment of thought, Bayern, f......, it's the end.
I'm considering removing the bloody tagboard since no one actually tags my blog anymore & I've lost the password to the account.
& yes this is the 284th post on this blog...
There's been another major earthquake, this time in Chile. 1st Haiti..now another one in Americas & Japan's been panicking about a major tsunami.
Seems like the world will end in 2012, credit to the Mayans for predicting our pathetic demise. It may seem that Les Propheties by Nostradamus predicted something in 2012 also.
Bet all these people must be damn happy that they're not around to see the world engulf in fire, earth & water.
& apparently yesterday marks the 110th anniversary of FC Bayern Munich E.V. It was formed in 1900 by Franz John with a group of farmers, smithsmen & drunkards in a tavern.
110 years later, they're are the focal point of German football.
Nothing else to say now....cept I've become interested in Korean. By that I mean Sorry Sorry...
CIAO!!!
Friday, 27 November 2009
2009 will end in madness for the Champions League
1) Liverpool out of the competition
2) Either Bayern or Juventus will join them
3) Big-spending Real, ageing AC Milan or recovering Marseilles will also join them
4) Inter or Barcelona could go too
5)If Italian sides fail to acheive more than German sides, Germany's coefficient will be higher than Italy's for next seaaon. It means we'll see just 3 Italian teams & now 4 German sides.
Madness really.
& I'll celebrate my b'dae at Mandai...fucking brilliant really...
& I did quit goalkeeping, I'm not joking about it at all.
I like got nothing so type now really...
SO ciao people...
PS: New blogskin & new song, Anima Rossa by Porno Grafitti
Saturday, 25 July 2009
I'm no religious man. I'm not one bit saintly really. But it's one thing I enjoy it's an appointment every Friday.
When you're having that appointment, you're totally calm. At peace with yourself. Even with all the uncertainties in life, you don't feel that during that 1 hr plus session. Maybe it's His doing. Or maybe it's some psychological effect. Who knows really?
Had an interesting time in the last few weeks.
Here's the funny version....I fell into a hole
Here's the serious version...I fell into a hole, fell approximately 1 storey down & landed on crap which included concerte rubble & reinforcements.
No worries, only injuries were abbrasions, a very sore back & butt & a bludged ego.
& I'm totally surprised by the sale of Lucio to Inter Milan & Borowski back to Werder Bremen. It's just very odd really.
Feeling bored most of the time really. Sian....CIAO PPL
Friday, 5 June 2009
Labels: f......, just a thought, ns, something interesting
Once there was a knight.
Clad in black & steel.
Once the weapon of justice
Now the bringer of doom & destruction
And it was he who walked
Upon the snowy plains of death & sorrow
Soon they rose to serve him
And his cause of justice, pain & death
They who were abandoned
By ones whom they served loyally
Now they seek vengeance
Upon the ones who left them behind
& in the valley of death
He walks undeterred
For in his mind of minds
He thought nothing but them
And the King swore vengeance upon those who betrayed him
I just wanted to try out something different. Don’t think it really worked at all. Doesn’t’ really fit the poem profile but like I said before, I’m not literature genius!
Personally I think this is stupid. How on earth can poisonous gas affect a god-like person like the Lich King?
But I still love his quote, “I will show you the justice of the grave & the true meaning of fear.”
Pure awesomeness.
& MOC is getting more fun. But I want to sleep, hence I’m still pushing for “it”
& it’s like no use talking to her. Shouldn’t have said that I’ve gotten her. Simple mistake really. Sorry Keiran, I’m a bloody liar. HAHA!
Still doesn’t mean I can’t get her…CIAO PEOPLE
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Labels: f......
CTRL+A IF YOU REALLY WANT TO READ THIS...
OK so reason why I wanted to do this is because I don't really want people to comment about it, but hell I need it out of my system.
Some people know I had a "crush" last year. So to move on from the crush, I distracted myself with someone else. Worked a little bit but her rather cold shoulder gave me a little hint. I'm completely stuck.
On one hand I have this sweet, innocent girl which I've liked since J1 (Yes people..it was only in J2 that the story leaked out) but being a former classmate, she's not on good terms with me.
On the otherhand, I have yet another sweet, if not more innocent gril whom I've just began to like but yes, she's the one with the slow SMS replies & the "Just be friends" attitude.
Though I'm smittened by both. & stupidly, I'm afraid of asking both of them out.
Just found out I have the choice NOT to O.O.C. from medic, especially when the instructor gave me the (false) hope that I could be a non-MO medic.
Then there's NCDCC which isn't working so well for me right now.
I really want to ask Him for advice, but yes..
He hates me. Damn it!
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Labels: f......, just a thought, ns, uni
Due to the fact my post sounded freakishly gay, I deleted it. I’m going to remove that damned stereotypical comment that I’m over-emotional. & it starts today.
Wait a minute, I’ve said that before. Ha-ha
Sadly I was rejected by NTU. A depressing thought really. But I know I'll try again next year.
Now for more pressing issues
Just like to say that I’m now just a bloody signature away from leaving recruit life & entering the life as a private. No difference really. Pay’s the same & you still have a blank rank. It’s just that now I can say that I’ve passed a few tests.
1) First Aid & CPR test
2) Rescue Equipment Competency test
3) Firefighting test
4) Standard Obstacle course
5) IPPT
Not forgetting the 10km route march. Strangely it didn’t feel like anywhere near 10km. Passing out Ceremony was a bore, kept fidgeting really. & cleaning up the entire company line is seriously no joke; especially for us toilet pros. Foot drill competition was a flop. I, the Cadet Inspector, screwed up the jadikan squad & the fancy drill kebelakang pusing commands. Alpha won it hands down but I think we clinch second, which is comforting. At least Bravo Company isn’t that bad.
I’m quite glad I’ve finally finished BRT & knew I put it my best effort. No regrets really. I pushed myself to the limit & nearly fainted during the NBC suit lesson. Forced myself to look down while climbing down the triple-extension ladder during Final Exercise (I’m beyond frightened of heights)
It was fun being a Trojan. One thing was that my B.O. wasn’t a big deal to my platoon mates (strange only my JC classmates seem bothered by trivial issues like smell)
I think I’ve become the funny guy again. Seems that I’ve made a impression with many as the joker. BRT has really changed me.
Will I miss my Trojans?
Yes. Not all of them though. I’m sure the likes of Farris, Sharilnizam, Calvin & Tim would know who I’m referring to. Ha-ha
I’ll be praying I get posted to NCDCC along with Tim & Sharil. & Farris, I’m sure you’ll get medic=).
& in far more cheerful news, I’ve stopped thinking about her in that way. I find her annoying now.
It’s a good thing really. I’ve got to learn not to care about some people.
By the way, I’m using Microsoft word to type out this post hence the perfect grammar.
CIAO people.
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Labels: f......, Me, pathetically stupid until I dun even know why i wrote it
I honestly wonder how many readers I have. Seems that only Justin tags my blog. Just one person. Makes me wonder if I'm a good person or not. If my "so-called-friends" are really my friends or are they just people I know & talk to occasionally.
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins my relationships with others?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins any chance of being with someone?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins my personality?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins other people's lives?
I sound so fucking emotional at times. I honestly can't blame if people think I'm a girl or a bapok at times. Even the conversations I have with people are full of crap. Sometimes I hate my fucking life so much I wish I never existed. Life's so fucked up really.
149 contacts avaiable...just one to talk to. & even Justin can't be there always. Fuck I'm so attention-seeking at times.
Just so fucking retarded!
& I just wanted to say one last thing, I'm a fucking loser with a fucking emo-fuck blog with a fucking-shitty life & I know it.
CIAO.
& I apologise to people for the explicit usage of the f-word.
Friday, 27 March 2009
Labels: f......
Did you ever had friends that you were close to. The type you hang out with almost everyday. The type you chat often, personally or through chatrooms. Or the type that you see on a weekly basis, not too frequently, but even so you were close to him or her.
But then came a time where you had to disappear, take leave & walk away from it all. & when you came back, things changed alot. & due to your coldness, you find it so hard to break back into the social circle?
Now I understood what my sister mean't when she advised me not to return to NPCC. Too many changes in my absence.
I am now just a relic of a past era. Alone, like the mountains that isolate themselves from everything else.
Sadden.=(
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Labels: f......, fXXXX, fXXXXUXXXCXXK
Tommorrow's Hari Raya. Kinda mixed feelings about it.
Mum, being mum, chose to disappoint us at the last moment & cancelled on us.
Sister got influenced. Refuses to visit now.
Is it so fucking wrong for me to have a proper Hari Raya, with all the visiting, the typical Malay gatherings, Kuih Tarts & chocolates.
Is it so wrong to be happy?
Actually I would have invited my classmates & my friends over.
But my class...haha I want to laugh out loud really.
At least got Justin & Alex coming. & Dad as well.
Sunday, 28 September 2008
Labels: Bayern, f......, just a thought, soccer
'This is totally crap'
Ok someone please tell me how Bayern lost...again???
How the hell did the best side, the most expensive side in Germany lose...again?? It's like a total joke. They played Ribery as a sub. Fail to bring in Lucio & why on earth play Van Bommel? He shouldn't even be on the field, let alone be the captain of the team. At this rate, Kilnsmann will get fired at the end of the year.
Still sick, still bored, still tied down with homework. Honestly feeling like crap. The only good thing is that on Tuesday evening, I can start cursing like a bloody pirate because no more fasting. In the meantime...f&%@#$@&#%@##$u@&$@$@%$!#c&@&$k
& F1 this weekend, no idea who won (not that I care, I'm no fan) but I guess Singapore is all hyped up about a sport that isn't even popular here (compared to all-mighty EPL) Guess it's all just a hype...sure will die down.
& it's becoming a hobby of mine to go to youtube and watch past cinematics. Guess it's inspiration for the Arts, Design & Media dream of mine at NTU.
Should be familliar, Advent Children's Cloud vs Sephiroth scene.
Crisis Core: Angael & Genesis vs Sephiroth.
Okays Ciao people.
My God this is a long post.
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Labels: Bayern, f......, manga, soccer, something interesting
This is my 170th post.
My 200th post if I had not accidentally delete my Google account.
& to commemorate my stupidity, here's something interesting...
This is how guys walk girls home in reality.
This is from Bitter Virgin, a very sad yet romantic manga (I've become gayish suddenly)
ESPN made quite the blunder when it said in a match report that Robert Enke belonged to Bayer 04 Leverkusen. I bravely sent an email to them, correcting their mistake. I'm sadden that Soccernet seems to belittle the Bundesliga somewhat. All the headlines tend to be about Spanish, Italian or English clubs, EVEN FRENCH???. Too little respect is given to the likes of Bayern Munich, Werder Bremen, Schlake 04 etc.
This year marks the 9th year that I'm a Bayern fan. I feel like I've come a long way since then. I still remember the first match I watched, Bayern 1-2 Man. Utd. I was so sadden but as the years go by, I realise what it really means to be a fan. I supported them when they crashed out in 2000, roared with delight as the took down the Red Devils on route to glory in 2001, screamed in disbelief as they lost to Liverpool & Real Madrid...etc
It's been a long rough journey for a Singaporean Bayern fan.
Ciao
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Labels: Bayern, f......, Germany, something interesting
"50 is Lahm's Golden number"
I haven't got a clue why but my previous post wasn't published. Anyways smack after 2 days of Prelims. Geography was a 50-50 thing while Chemistry Paper 3 was doable(HOPE I PASS MAN) while Economics Essay was a bummer. Didn't finish a single essay. All without conclusions & 5b was without a rebuttal point. Sian...
On to football...
Philipp Lahm will win a 50th international cap at the age of 24 years and ten months. To put that achievement into perspective, the three most-capped players in German football history, Lothar Matthäus, Jürgen Klinsmann and Jürgen Kohler, had reached 36, 12, and 32 caps respectively at the same age. It could even have been more for Lahm had he not missed the whole of 2005 with injury. “Obviously I’m delighted,” the defender observed, “it’s not the kind of thing you achieve in passing. Naturally, the best thing would be for us to win the game too.“
This left-back will surely outstrip even mighty Lothar Matthäus who had 150 caps to his name. Totally awesome!
Math tommorrow, time to go all out!
Friday, 29 August 2008
"Champions League Fixtures"
Group A
Chelsea FC (ENG)
AS Roma (ITA)
FC Girondins de Bordeaux (FRA)
CFR 1907 Cluj (ROU)
Group B
FC Internazionale Milano (ITA)
Werder Bremen (GER)
Panathinaikos FC (GRE)
Anorthosis Famagusta FC (CYP)
Group C
FC Barcelona (ESP)
Sporting Clube de Portugal (POR)
FC Basel 1893 (SUI)
FC Shakhtar Donetsk (UKR)
Group D
Liverpool FC (ENG)
PSV Eindhoven (NED)
Olympique de Marseille (FRA)
Club Atlético de Madrid (ESP)
Group E
Manchester United FC (ENG, holders)
Villarreal CF (ESP)
Celtic FC (SCO)
Aalborg BK (DEN)
Group F
Olympique Lyonnais (FRA)
FC Bayern München (GER)
FC Steaua Bucureşti (ROU)
ACF Fiorentina (ITA)
Group G
Arsenal FC (ENG)
FC Porto (POR)
Fenerbahçe SK (TUR)
FC Dynamo Kyiv (UKR)
Group H
Real Madrid CF (ESP)
Juventus (ITA)
FC Zenit St. Petersburg (RUS)
FC BATE Borisov (BLR)
I'm beyond horrified to see Group F. My God Bayern's gonna die in the grouplah. Lyon..my God. & I think Arsenal is going to have an easy time in their group. & Liverpool will have a hard time indeed.
& this is cool. Winter Sokaro's Madness. It's a bane to most of his enemies. Wish I had one as well.
& I'm still repentent, still insulted, still unforgiven. & here's the thing, there's nothing I can do about it...
I think I offended Gerald..sorry but you are really getting on my nerves. I know the probability of getting her is 0.(OMG SO MANY FRIGGIN ZEROES)1. Don't remind me ok. Sorry anyways.