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"Two faces"
Four hours ago, I seem so happy. Bitching with Wei Ming, David & Jia Ming about the irritants at our court. Yet right now I feel so depress, so sad, so suicidal.
Why?
I don't really know.
Can someone please help me?
I called out for help...but no one will answer this call. As expected.
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Labels: f......, Me, pathetically stupid until I dun even know why i wrote it
I honestly wonder how many readers I have. Seems that only Justin tags my blog. Just one person. Makes me wonder if I'm a good person or not. If my "so-called-friends" are really my friends or are they just people I know & talk to occasionally.
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins my relationships with others?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins any chance of being with someone?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins my personality?
Wonder if my so-called coldness ruins other people's lives?
I sound so fucking emotional at times. I honestly can't blame if people think I'm a girl or a bapok at times. Even the conversations I have with people are full of crap. Sometimes I hate my fucking life so much I wish I never existed. Life's so fucked up really.
149 contacts avaiable...just one to talk to. & even Justin can't be there always. Fuck I'm so attention-seeking at times.
Just so fucking retarded!
& I just wanted to say one last thing, I'm a fucking loser with a fucking emo-fuck blog with a fucking-shitty life & I know it.
CIAO.
& I apologise to people for the explicit usage of the f-word.
Friday, 27 March 2009
Labels: f......
Did you ever had friends that you were close to. The type you hang out with almost everyday. The type you chat often, personally or through chatrooms. Or the type that you see on a weekly basis, not too frequently, but even so you were close to him or her.
But then came a time where you had to disappear, take leave & walk away from it all. & when you came back, things changed alot. & due to your coldness, you find it so hard to break back into the social circle?
Now I understood what my sister mean't when she advised me not to return to NPCC. Too many changes in my absence.
I am now just a relic of a past era. Alone, like the mountains that isolate themselves from everything else.
Sadden.=(
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Changed skin. Dynasty Warrior's Lu Bu is the new theme.
He is nice ok Justin. & No I don't have the hots for your daughter Iris. Despite what you think!!!
& apparently shashakahn on ESPN is starting to garner a bad name due to the fact that I pick fights with losers who call themselves football fans. Especially with someone called "barca barca".
Anyways sending Portfolio later tonight. I forgot to ask for stamps. Stupid me!!
Happy with my work. & hopefully I'll get that scholarship at SPF and the place in NTU.
Watched Phantom of the Opera yesterday. Pity the Phantom. Couldn't get his girl Christine just because of his face. Depressing really but he does have a nice voice.
Reminds me of my love for her. Sobx!
& yes, I am still loving her. Even if she doesn't know it. It's fine with me
CIAO!
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
I just like to say that I am finally done with the stupid, friggingly irritating portfolio.
Now I only need a big brown envelope to mail it to NTU.
& soccer was disappointing. Managed to dive but it was the near shots that gave me issues. MUST TRAIN MORE!!!!
I don't really have anything to type anymore so CIAO!!!!
Saturday, 21 March 2009
2 more weeks to a life in National Service. Excited but nervous really.
They say NS is a guy's best & worst event in his life. Not sure about that though.
APPLICATION STATUS!
Assignment 1: Done
Assignment 2: Done
Assignment 3: Tommorrow
Scholarship : Done
400 word Essay : Just finished
& instead of Digital Animation, I'm going for product design instead. Wish NTU would reply me soon though.
Meanwhile the UEFA Champions League brings up an interesting fixture list.
Villareal CF (ESP) vs Arsenal FC (ENG)
Robert Pires will love to send the Gunners packing when they meet. And despite nearly losing to Greek side Panathialkos in the previous fixture, Villareal are no pushovers with the likes of Rossi & Marcos Senna in their team. But Arsenal are starting to get their gameplan together & Le Professuer will be planning to upset the Yellow Submarines with his youngster lineup.
Liverpool FC (ENG) vs Chelsea FC (ENG)
Rafa Benitez's 2005 champions will face last season's beaten finalists Chelsea for the fifth time in five seasons - four times in the knock-out stages and once in the group stage of the competition. It will be interesting to see if Liverpool can repeat their performance in the 4-1 win over United. But Gerrard & company will be wary of Hiddink's Chelsea squad who are beginning to revive themselves. Drogba, Lampard & Terry will pose a significant threat to the Reds.
Manchester United FC (ENG) vs FC Porto (POR)
Immediately the English side are labled as favourites. And for good reason. With the likes of Rooney, Vidic & Ferdinand, United look set to cruise to the semi-finals. But amongst all of the remaining 8 teams, Porto are the least well known. And this could make Abel Resino's side a dangerous team for United.
FC Barcelona (ESP) vs FC Bayern Munich (GER)
The match between the 2006 winners & the 2001 champions is the highlight of the draw. However without star striker Miroslav Klose & possibly Luca Toni, things look bleak for the Bavarians. Bayern will be wary of the Catalan's Lional Messi & Thierry Henry as Barcelona's strikeforce will pose problems to the Bayern defense. But Barcelona know that their quater-final opponents are not to be belittled. Even Henry has warned his side that there will be no room for error when they take on Bayern Munich in the quarter-finals of the Champions League.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Checklist:
400 word Essay: Check
Assignment 1: Check
Assignment 2: Nearly there
Assignment 3: Draw or write?
Scholarship: Applied
Demo Reel: My poetry has been there since I was 11
Yesterday's soccer was painful. Tyko King once again does he's saving of tyko shots but fails to save the simple goals. & my knee hurts due to the constant diving.
Finally mastered diving rightwards. Now all that remains is leftward diving & 1v1 situations.
& Bayern won 3-0 but at the price of 6 week layoff of Miroslav Klose. Hope Toni recovers & Thomas Muller plays like Gerd Muller.
But the best part, Man Utd 1-4 Liverpool. That should wipe C. Ronaldo's smile off his idiotic face.
(Sorry but I just hate him)
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Labels: fXXXXUXXXCXXK, soccer
OK apparently attempts in making a flash animation are just plain terrible. I am like totally going to just send in my attempted poetry which I did in Sec 1 as well as my compositions which were well done, provided I can actually find them.
I also intend on making a Warcraft map based on football, just to show what I intend on doing with my life.
"Creating a blend between digital animation & cinematography with football"
I'll make those Blizzard people feel like crap one day!
& the portfolio isn't going too well due to my incurable flu & fever I guess. But at least I've decided on a BFA in Digital Animation as my desired course at least.
& thank God I didn't offend her. Or did I & she's just saying I didn't so that I won't bother her. OH MY GOD I'm turning into a paranoid freak!
& I flopped out in Monday soccer due to my mistakes whilst diving & my teammate's inability to kick the ball right. But kudos to Wei Ming for being one heck of a keeper that night.
Friday, 6 March 2009
I'm sorry but I decided to get rid of the Mr Shinigami video since I don't need it anymore.
More importantly I passed all my subjects. Particularly pleasing was the A for H1 Geography. I'm glad I didn't fail Cikgu Mas & Mdm Gowri. Bs for Economics & GP.
Though an E for Chemistry. Then again I did screw it up. But Mr Wong was sympathetic & offered some kind words. Thank you my crazy chemistry teacher.
Best of all, D for Maths. I finally passed the one subject which I failed for 2 whole years.
It was a bittersweet moment in the hall. Old friends meeting up once again, silently preparing themselves for the worst. Tears of sadness & failure were all around me. Though there were occasional screams of joy. Even I went nuts after seeing that miracle of an A & just hugged my CT. There are no words to describe what I feel.
& to those who haven't achieved what they wanted. Take heart that your effort was not in vain. Know that you did your best & that there is no shame in that. It is not the end of the world, if you don't want it to be.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Labels: Bayern, Germany, just a thought, pathetically stupid until I dun even know why i wrote it, soccer, something interesting, UCL
Lately to get my mind off Friday (Damn it I remembered!) , I've been reading sports articles on ESPNsoccernet. & I came across this particular article.
Man Utd lining up Ribery to replace Ronaldo?
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=623983&sec=europe&cc=4716
Immediately you think, why on Earth would United let Ronaldo go? But lets move away from the English perspective & move to the German viewpoint.
In the last few years there have been loads of high profile Bundesliga-to-Premier League/La Liga moves. Bayern's Ballack to Chelsea, HSV's Van Der Vaart to Real. & yet when you want to think of a EPL/La Liga - to - Bundesliga move, you simply can't. The most high profile moves were Chelsea's Pizarro to Werder (who used to play for Bayern), De Jong to Man City from HSV & Voronin of Liverpool to Hertha Berlin.
Gentle reminder: They were only loan moves.
It seems that the Bundesliga & Ligue 1 have lost their pride. Just once I would actually want to see German clubs fight to keep their star players. It's almost ridiculous that everytime the Bundesliga creates a star player, he's off to the La Liga or EPL the next season. It's no wonder Germany fares so "well" in UEFA Champions League knockout stages. For the record, currently only Bayern are in the competition.
The entire Bundesliga is becoming a nonsensical feeder league to Spain & England. No wonder the league standard has fallen. Why? Simply because French, German, Dutch & Portuguese clubs are totally less successful than their English or Spanish counterparts. It's like the clubs give their players little or no reason for them to stay. It seems that Bayern & their associates have lost their bloody pride in themselves.
In Football Manager, clubs are ranked according to national, continental & world-wide. In the Bundesliga, only Bayern are ranked continental. I dare not say anything about the French or Dutch clubs.
& for the record, I'm sick & tired of English, Italian or Spanish clubs buying their way to success. Disagree if you want, but the reality is that 3/4s of most of their squad aren't even associated to England, Spain or Italy respectively. Most of them have line-ups totally based on foreigners (notably from Germany, France, Holland or Brazil)
Why on Earth is there a lack of fight amongst what I would brand them as high-profile, totally well-known but sadly feeder clubs? I shall never understand.
& though Ribery's "move" to United is probably misquoting, it raises issues of the deteriorating league standards in France, Germany & many other European countries.
It's like there's no point in even calling the Bundesliga, Ligue 1 & many others a 1st Division league.
Most Singaporeans may never understand where I coming from, due to our British history & biasness to the English Premier League. But I'm sure out there in cyberspace, there are some of you who understand my concerns & reservations.
At least I do dare to say I'm a Bayern Munich fan with utmost pride. Sadly, some players might think differently.
At least that was a nice change from my usual weeping state. God bless Friday!
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Labels: pathetically stupid until I dun even know why i wrote it
I just realised that my last post was my 222th post on this blog. & here's a little known fact, my blog title is actually the "Lament of the Highbourne." Highbourne because in Singapore, JC students are supposedly higher class (social stereotype).
222 posts about my life in Singapore. From my dumb-ass days in CBSS to the "Lament of JC", I've blogged here so much. I never really thought about the fact that people across the world can read my posts, my complaints, my insanely pathetic ramblings.
& so for my 223th post, I shall ramble about something close to my heart.
Her name was (as if I would say here)
She was a nice girl. Cheerful & absolutely annoyingly bubbly sometimes. She was nice to me, even dared to talk to me when others shunned me (by the way, screw it & did I spell shunned right?) Anyways to sum it all up, she treated me like I did exist on this blue world.
But then all she did was to follow the words of her friend & refuse to sit next to me in Maths lecture. & at first, I didn't really care. Yes I admit I passed off the remark on my MSN, but no.. I wasn't really serious about it. It was nothing more than my usual sarcastic self.
She took it seriously though. & apologised.
Then came another friend who remarked about the reason behind the dumb incident.
I simply broke.
& in my fury I hurt her. I said things that only evil people deserved to hear.
To this day I am still haunted by what she said...
"Go F888 a tree or something!"
I remembered only speaking to her...let's just say they fit into my hands.
I never forgave myself for hurting someone so innocent.
Thankfully she will never read this post because as of that horrific day, no one in my class ever came back to the Innocent Sorrows.
& when March 6 comes, I will return & once again be a misfit for 1 more time. & I shall see her once again. But I will probably say nothing at all. & hopefully I will take home a decent cert-ful of A level results.
But I remembered that I never said that I was sorry. So sorry.
Ciao to the random internet blog-hoppers who visited. Thanks for entertaining yet another addition to the Lament of the Highbourne.