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Labels: Me, something interesting, typical day
Me in prayer
Yes I am in a mosque
Lately I felt the need to pray in a mosque. Needed to feel closer to Allah. Maybe it's because I don't really have anyone to turn to around me. My family is well.....(no comments) & my classmates don't really have that maturity level to actually advice me. Plus they're my kids & I hate my kids worrying about me. My AMPiers are awesome really, but I rather not let them think of me badly.
It's been really pressurising these past few weeks. Got an A for my SMM proposal only for people to blame their poor showing on the teacher. That's practically insulting my damn effort? Not to mention I actually helped by giving an entire framework to help everyone with their proposals...
Ungrateful I guess? Or a moment of immaturity? No idea.
Not to mention the fact that EVERYONE has been looking for me to salvage their projects. It isn't easy troubleshooting dead projects. Plus teachers expect me to be the trend setter & set the highest standards for everyone to be awed at. FML really. I'm tired. Haven't slept soundly in 4 days because of slides. & I can't let my group mates do my slides because I'll end up screaming at the low quality of work done & do it myself. Plus they're beyond frightened & panicking with Java & SMM now. Felt I should take the heat for them.
& I got roasted big time.
My fear right now would be that I would let everyone down. Scary really. People are looking up to me & I know I can't let them down. Stressful situation now. Guess I have to show them my most mature side ever, especially for tomorrow's presentation.
Guess that's where Allah comes in.
In Him I find solace, inner peace & tranquillity. For I know that He shall listen to all my pains & agonies & miseries no matter how trivial they are.Such is the purpose of religion. That's why those who propose science to be the new religion are just stupid in my opinion. Both are completely different from one another & serve different purposes in my opinion.
Strangely enough I have rarely ask for Allah to help me. Instead I pray for the people around me. 1st it was praying she would be safe & happy with him. Then when she fell sick I was practically praying furiously for her health. Then when my class mates were struggling with their work, I prayed for the strength to aid them. When my friend's Dad fell ill, prayed again. I turn to Him whenever I'm in adversity.
So thank you Allah, for listening to my rants. You are truly a friend I guess.
My friend told me I should be more selfish. Should I? It really isn't in my nature...
I guess I should.
Saturday, 16 July 2011
Labels: a moment of thought, poly, saddest moments
Yeah so last minute I decided to finally use the PT fund to belanja my kids, cousin, cat & OMMA pizza. After like months of figuring out how to do it, finally got the idea from Chris Tan. Must say, spending $197.60 in one afternoon is farking painful sia. Here were some pics:
Me with Afifah! Note I'm wearing a baju kurung. No shit.
My kids enjoying =)
My cousin very happy sia
Abang XK too happy until cannot swallow pizza properly
Seeing their happy faces really makes up for the heartache my wallet felt that day. Or at least slightly =). Hope you kids enjoyed it. I certainly did.
& on a more serious not;
Personally I don't really like you for all the annoying things you have been doing to me. & who says I am being nice for you? I am being nice because I never want to show my darkest side in front of the most important people in my life currently. My kids mean a lot to me, something you may not understand. My ideals may be foreign to someone who isn't mature enough to fully understand how to appreciate those around them.
Yeah I do talk down to people. But I only do so simply because I am superior(?) End of story. Cocky? Perhaps.
But if you can prove to be better than me, I'll gladly look up to you. Until then, you are in no position to make demands with me. You want buang me? You sure. You had better remember all the things I have done for this class. I could have been a selfish fucker & not help the rest. But I knew you guys really needed the help not just in academics, but also in their personal life. So I did offer everyone the olive branch should I have to.
But you take my kindness for granted & insult it? You are truly not worth my time.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Labels: a moment of thought
I'm sure some of you have seen this video on TV. Some call it propaganda for MOE, others call it & inspiring moment.
Mdm Cho, my English teacher said this when I posted this on Facebook,
"Thanks Shazly.. ;p It's every teacher's hopes and dreams that his or her students eventually turn out fine and successful in their own unique way.. Glad u r one of them..."
My reply, "Haha! Successful? Not yet. On the way though. Someday you get a call from me for dinner. Promise ♥!"
I realised I had so many Mrs Chongs in my life. Those who saw potential in me. I was a failure in school at first. Never had it in me to achieve anything. But Mdm Cho saw something in me & she slowly guided me in my English, just as how Mr Wong moulded my beliefs, just has how Cikgu Siti taught me the spirit of perseverance & how Mr James Wong taught me to believe in myself.
Thank you.
& yes, this is the post-effects of losing her.
I'm now taking my time to appreciate the things in life. & Mrs Chong is one of them. I put this up not to thank my teachers actually, but rather to inspire myself to be a Mrs Chong. My friends have told me that my violent tendencies, sudden rage bouts, my melancholy & my moronic ways do nothing but hurt the others around me.That my ideals of "others before self" is flawed simply because I completely disregard myself. I do so much, self-sacrificing actions without realising I'm hurting others.
I never thought of it that way...
I have only found one person who has the same beliefs as me. He said that it wasn't about the money, the security or the pride. It was about knowing that you did the right thing. Even if it means you jeopardise yourself.
I will quote what Komamura Sajin said about how he cares about others,
That's why I decided to become a true friend to you.
If something sad happened in your life, I would be there for you.
If something happy happened in my life, I would share it with you.
If you strayed from the path, I would admonish you.
If you committed an error, I would forgive you.
If you found yourself in a predicament, I would provide a foundation on which you could stand.
All in order to make this man that had lost his love for the world be able to love the world once more.
I should respect honour above all else and in order to live by my belief, I will offer my blade and even throw away my life if they must to fulfil my duty. & it is for that reason I shall choose not to attack him in anyway, even if he starts it 1st. Not because I fear him, or fear ignoring her wishes but because this is the only way to remain the better man, having the honour, dignity & wisdom. I thank Zane for this.
Someday I'll be a Mrs Chong. Someday my actions will inspire people, even if it's just one person. Someday I'll die knowing I did the right thing.
My novel is going terribly. But I'll keep working on it.
If this post makes no sense at all, it's not mean't to.