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Well like the title suggests, it's the last post of 2013. Like every year, I contemplate closing this damn blog down. Somehow I never seem to do it. I guess I like keeping this blog. Reminds me of the idiotic life I've had and how far I've come.
2013 started with a mission to get my grades back in shape. And also to broaden my portfolio. Which was why I joined Theva in the InnovateIT competition. Was a super #yolo day with last ditch pitching, insane ideas, "zero-fucks-given-that-day" and photo taking on the road in the middle of town. Really fun times
And how could I even forget Yogyakarta? With its scenery, food such as pandan cakes and pau, CHINLAYIN triad formation, "Come I clap for you group", Mama Shop at Room 304, Vietnamese card readings in a village and fucking cold showers. Really experimented and learned a lot from the people who went to Indonesia with me. Guess it was a good thing that my course manager signed me up before telling me about it! Made a whole new bunch of friends and really had lots of fun there.
The jeep ride...adrenaline rush...wow...fast jeep...no brakes. You know shit just got serious when even the seasoned driver is holding on to the handles for dear life.
In 2012 I cried as Bayern Munich fell to Chelsea in the most ridiculous Champions League final since 1999, ironically involving Bayern as well. So in 2013 Jupp Heyneckes did the incredible and turn the runners up into a footballing powerhouse. Seemed very appropriate that Bayern claimed back the Champions League trophy from London by beating upstarts Borussia Dortmund. I remembered watching that match with Vincent and how I celebrated that last minute Robben goal. Super Bayern! #Mia san Mia.
Oh and did I mentioned I did manage to turn my GPA around? Including a very nice B+ for a FYP that seemed less credible compared to everyone else?
All In all, I really did enjoy 2013. It may have had its downers, but there were always the "ups" to look forward to. Met a whole new bunch of people like the Indonesian trip people and my new-found daughters Keller, Theresa and Dara. Finally found time to get together with my awesome Year 1 peeps. Even getting a birthday cake for the first time since 2007(?).
And I finally found the answer to my love life.
Ignore it. Someone will come to you eventually if you just stay happy all the time and if you are patient enough.
2013 was a nice year. I look forward to 2014 with optimism. I have graduation, university and more importantly, a World Cup to look forward to.
Bye 2013! Hello 2014!
Monday, 23 December 2013
I sent my application for University College London. A huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Only for another to drop on me. I spent today looking for someone to talk to but I realized that I have no one to turn to about these things. Except here perhaps. It doesn't solve anything but it's nice to pen (or in this case type) out my thoughts.
In all honesty, I'm not really confident on my chances to get into UCL. In fact I'm only 20% optimistic that I can make it. While everyone's telling me I've got a great chance of getting in, I'm not. Maybe it's pessimism or just realistic expectations. I mean it is a prestigious university and the degree is rather popular. I'm just a simpleton who can barely program and come up with anything original. Sure I present well but I'm lying 99% of the time while I present. The most simple of questions will leave me stumped.
And I don't actually see the point of getting such a degree. What does it mean? Am I doomed to do programming every single day? Does it mean I can't innovate and create new ideas. I don't have the capital to do anything after all. What does fate hold for me?
I am, at the end of the day, worthless. I am no better compared to the days of my junior college. A failure, academically, mentally and spiritually.
Scholarship is yet another unsolved burden. While I'm so reluctant to sign long term bonds that bind me to this misguided island, I don't have much choices. Reality strikes when you realize that a military career is your best shot (I won't get far due to my physique and the fact my body is deteriorating fast). I'm so hellbent on leaving this terrible place where I know I will never be accepted by anyone due to my "dangerous" ideas. Yes speech on civil liberties, equality and opportunity to better oneself are deemed dangerous while the notions of working for your goals, fighting social injustice and being civic-minded are lost to the masses. Tell me how can I live with myself if I don't do anything?
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke
I first saw this during a documentary about Nazism and its horrific repercussions. I fear that day will come for all of us.
This steady burst of snow is burning my hands,I'm frozen to the bones, I am,A million mile from home, I'm walking away,I can't to mind your eyes, your face
Read more: Woodkid - Iron Lyrics | MetroLyrics
It is very difficult to be one of the few who recognize such injustices and can do nothing to stop it. I don't have the power after all. Why do people who have power do nothing?
Auf Wiedersehen.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013
You know what I particularly like about Avatar (not the blue guys)? Fire bending. It's so powerful. It is after all the element of power. Through it comes life and destruction. It's something that can be fueled by emotion. No need for that much focus. Just control the flames. Blast away at your enemies and you're done.
Plus I have a real affinity with fire. Never been really afraid of it. I can deal with heat relatively quickly. I especially hate the cold. Plus I'm a Sagittarius and that makes me a fire sign. Might explain my flash-fire-like temperament. Usually calm until someone throws a match at me and that's when I explode completely. And I can have so much drive to do something. Coincidentally I served in the civil defence during national service.
I really want power. If there's one thing I hate? I hate the sense of helplessness. I hate being dependent on the whims and desires of other people. I want to control my life and by extension, others. It's a cruel way of thinking but it is honesty in its truest form.
So right now I'm stuck looking for scholarships and the worst part is I'm doomed to take a scholarship I don't want.
It's 5 years of morbid servitude.
I really don't want to spend 5 years of my late twenties and early thirties slaving away in front of a computer. I want to be out there. Doing something worthwhile. Making an actual, positive difference in the lives of people. The prospect of being stuck in an office just terrifies me.
Recently I took up this job editing a finished software. I quit after the second day. That sealed my reluctance to take up the scholarship. Can you imagine spending 5 years in front of codes? I can't see myself doing that. If there was something business like I'll be more than happy to take it up. But pure programming for the next few years?
No. Not a chance.
Saturday, 7 December 2013
So my birthday was rather interesting this year.
On my birthday I got a wonderful Sakae Sushi dinner with Alex & Rosz. Finally tried Unagi and I didn't die or anything. Thanks guys!
And the very next day Limei gave me the best surprise ever!
So the gang came together like finally for a nice birthday dinner at Swenson's! Was a very nice surprise! Plus Zachary baked me an awesome birthday cake. I really do miss these guys! Thank you so much Xinkai, Zane, Limei, Davin, Vincent and Zach!!!
Such a nice bunch of people :)
Turning 23 was something I didn't look forward to. Just 7 years away from the big 30 and I've achieved little. Just a mediocre A level cert and a good Poly cert. No degree. No masters. No nice job. I have nothing.
And I'm in a nation which indirectly marginalizes me because of my language abilities, finances and essentially because of who I am. It's terrible to know that my own family is so critical of my ability to study in the UK. It's disheartening to hear that from your own family while your lecturers are completely confident of your abilities. My ex-course manager even told me to forget local universities. Guess she agreed with my sentiments.
I want to leave.
I want to be rid of this tyranny.
I want to be rid of all the emotional baggage.
I want to be rid of all the dishonour and distrust that is my family.
I want to be rid of all the people who do nothing but hurt me.
I want to redeem myself.
Is that so hard to do?
And I have learnt something important. Again.
You can do so much for the people around you, the people whom you care about. But in the end they will always end up hurting you. It doesn't matter who it is. Friends. Family. Loved ones. No one is an exception to this rule. Why? Because you will end up hurting them too. You will end up disappointing them. In the end, the one person who can bear you hurting them while they hurt you, will be the hardest to find. But the most rewarding.
It is a lesson that I cannot seem to learn.
Monday, 2 December 2013
It's my birthday in a couple of minutes.
So how was my 22nd year being alive. It started out terribly. Grades were falling and I had little or no motivation to do anything. But I went to Indonesia as part of the Learning Express. And I met a bunch of wonderful people. Nut-jobs like Kamy. Cool people like Weizhu. Cute little girl Theresa. And the one who is capable of killing me, Valerie.
Actually Weizhu is capable of killing me with some taekwando muay thai kick thingy.
And I rediscovered a new bunch of people like Tino, Carlo and the HK Triad of Theva, Shi Hui and myself.
Yeap Indonesian trip was nice.
FYP was great too. Though it was totally frustrating meeting such lofty demands of DDM. It was always to our benefit. Project IKO! was another highlight.
But this is also the year I stop having such a huge drive for soccer on Monday. Continuous conceding of goals is a real downer and I'm not really into it anymore. Though I do want to improve myself, I don't see how I can with this current batch of soccer mates. Everyone is improving while I'm just stagnating.
Depressing really lol.
This was also the year I really got into Assassin's Creed. Ezio and Conner Kenway are definitely cool "historical" characters to play with. And of course Pokemon Y is incredible.
Yeah a lot of nice things happened in 2013. Met some nice people along the way like Jess "Choco-pie Goddess" Tan and Kelila's sister Keller!!! OMG Keller is like the slightly better looking female version of me I swear. And not to mention my other new minion who is in Shanghai. Yes it's you Pink Pig Dara
Cheers to my 23rd birthday. Maybe I won't end that year alone anymore.
Bye random passerby. And Happy birthday to me. Maybe I might actually get a proper present after 5-6 years? Maybe a birthday cake even??? LOL