I didn't get into my dream course in London. And I doubt I'll get into the local universities due to this year's excellent A level results. In all honesty I'm not going to get anywhere.

I thought by now I would be used to disappointment. I figured that not getting what I want was something I would get use to. Honestly, I could even find the tears to shed. I just sat there, alone (as usual), just...trying to cry. I couldn't. This was it. This was the sum of my life. A life of mediocrity and abject failure.

I should find work? At some pointless, meaningless job? I don't speak Mandarin so a lot of jobs are out the window. So what career would I even have? Nothing. Forgive me for being so bleak and whinny but I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I just can't.

I always knew that if I failed to get out of the country, if I could not get away from this depressing hell hole of a nation, a nation that would rather give my opportunities away to some PRCs because they have the money, I would rather die.

Somehow that choice made many years ago...doesn't seem like a good one anymore.

Alone. No money. Failed education. Unemployed. The sum of all things I guess.

I don't deserve to be alive anymore.