If it were possible, if I could see my own funeral,  who would be there for my last day among the living. It's morbid to think about.

But really.

Who would be there?

I spent the most of last night crying. Why? I'm not really sure. I think it was because of a sudden realisation.

I have no one.

I mean sure I have friends but no one really close to me. I have no family anyway. Effectively.

Is this why I'm so annoying in school?

Because I'm desperate for attention?

It might explain my tendency to be "emo" on Twitter and on this blog. Am I really that alone in life?

I've spent 8 years without my better half. I never really noticed it. But now I'm 22 and I realise that should anything happen to me, I have no one who has a vested interest in me to help me out.

It's really scary.

A few weeks ago I wrote down a will. You know what's frightening?

I struggled to write down the names of people that might actually be affected should I decide to disappear. I mean sure it's hard to say if someone really doesn't need me for anything.

The last sentence made little sense to me.

I have no one.

I am destined to achieve but have no one to celebrate my triumph with.

Feels like a hollow victory if you ask me.

I am alone.

Lonely....I'm Mr Lonely....

Retarded isn't it?

The futility of my struggling idiocy to gain people's attention and affection. Hopeful but hopeless attempts to deny my current dilemma.

Locked away in a room. With no one around to talk to. Sometimes I hear voices in my head. I like them. They make me feel a lot less lonelier.

This is insanity personified.

My existence is worthless sometimes. Sometimes I wished I was a lot more brave a few years ago while I was going up the stairs. I mean isn't it pointless living a life of despair, self pity, loneliness?  Isn't it just horrible?

I should have died many years ago.

People out there have worst problems than me. But I feel nothing for them. I'm losing my empathy.

Lost.

Empty.

Alone.

Thank you for your kindness by reading this. I appreciate it. I think.

Good night.